Toilet Frog

In keeping with the Official Australian Carpet Snake, I will be referring to the following creature as Toilet Frog. The dark green, hand-sized amphibian was discovered by me (with much fanfare, I might add) one evening during a school meeting. He was head down towards the pipe with legs sticking up, alive and not particularly stressed, a predicament he apparently got into after my friend used the toilet before me without noticing him and flushed. I was informed that he is a tree frog and that he lives under the toilet seat, coming and going as he pleases. For the life of me I cannot figure out why a frog that normally lives in trees would prefer to live in such a wet, high risk environment. I checked in later that evening and sure enough all I could see were two Toilet Frog toes curled around the top of the toilet seat from underneath. One has a choice of two toilets in this part of the school; Frog Toilet and Mosquito Toilet. Frankly, I would rather take my chances and wee in the bush....

Carpet Snake

For those of you of non-Australian origin, I know what you are saying "Carpet snake? What the ____ is a carpet snake?" I am still trying to figure that one out. I think it is just a friendly name for a 6 foot python that has just crawled into your house. Or in our case, the kindergarten playground, which I guess would make it a "playground Snake". That said, I am deeply relieved that it was a "carpet snake" and not one of the many poisonous snakes that crawl about in this area. A beautiful 6 foot grey python was removed by one of the dads and sent away back into the bush. Having spoken to one of the moms about the incedent, she said, "oh, they are good! they scare the other snakes away." Now I want to bring it back back. Next time, when you are in Australia and there is a carpet / playground / tile (there is a lot of tile here) or whatever pythony snake around - KEEP IT!

White Cedar Moth Caterpillars

Driving up to the lighthouse in Bryon Bay, my husband pulled over to check out a line of grubs marching up the bike path. A small crowd had stopped and gathered to observe the procession. These White Cedar Moth caterpillars eat and defoliate trees then march nose to bum in long processional lines in search of more food. It seems to be unusual that we were able to see them during the day. Information that I have read about them indicates that they come out at night. Interestingly, people were trying to protect them and keep them from marching into the traffic, even though they can be quite destructive. And, like most insects here in Aus, people let me know not to touch them as they may be poisonous.

Household Vermin to Die For

We bought a house in the suburban neighborhood of Baywood Chase where classic Aussie "Brick and Tile" houses rest upon manicured lawns. This would be my very first lawn. Its still green. I have not been here long. Under our manicured lawn, I was told, lay several dogs. Ok, I left my 22 year old cat buried by my front door in San Francisco and told nobody. Dead dogs no problem. Then I am informed that the dog I was standing on died from the paralysis tic. This tic bites your dog and then the dog's hind legs start to become paralyzed and if you don't get the dog to the vet on time, this paralysis will creep up until your dog can no longer breathe and dies. Oh, and by the way, there are paralysis tics in the back garden and I need to check my dog as well as my kids for these tics. !!! Later that afternoon the pest inspector was at our house to check for termites. I asked him if he could spray the back garden for tics.

"I don't recommend that. The spray really makes the funnel web spiders mad."

"You mean there are funnel web spiders in my garden?!?"

Funnel Webs are the most deadly spider in Australia.

"Oh yeah" he said "they're everywhere. But don't worry, they aren't like the ones down south. Those guys will chase ya across the yard."

I yearn for the days when all I had to worry about was being mugged.

Magpie

Sounds lovely "Magpie" doesn't it? Sweet, friendly, cute, cuddly magpie...WRONG! This bird is the real reason Australians wear hats. Among the many perils of Australian wild life are these black and white birds, crow-like in shape but thankfully a bit smaller. They are ubiquitous throughout the area and dive-bomb pedestrians and dogs in a Hitchcockian manner. This is because Magpies are probably the world's best parents. One can hear the constant call of the baby magpie imploring their mother to feed it. In fact, nearly fully mature magpies will hop behind their mother peeping incessantly while the mother picks up bugs and shoves it into the young one's mouth. All day. Surely this youth, the same size as it's mother can fetch its own bugs? Feels somehow familiar and I empathise with the busy mum. It is when the chicks are in the nest that the dive bombing begins. People walking their dogs, children biking to school, mailmen delivering mail all fall victim to this ferocious parent of animal kingdom. ...That said, it would make a good drinking game:

Wallabies

Wallabies are large, thick necked, hairy creatures found only in Brisbane. Seen in large numbers running swiftly accross fields, they often emit a "grunting" sound when they come into contact with each other. Found in the colors yellow and green. Sponsers include Quantas and Telstra.

The Ibis

The Ibis is a nearly knee high bird with a rat tail-like head and feathers on its back end resembling a rotting vintage boa. Originating from Hades, the Ibis ascended from the netherworld to infest Australian urban centers to feed off the discards of humanity. Much like the pigeon, it will hang around picnickers in hopes of a morsel. However, unlike the pigeon, it cannot simply be shooed away. One must swing violently at it, most preferably with a diaper bag or umbrella.